excellence, just pure excellence

You asked her out, she said no. You asked her friends to ask her, she still said no. You surprised her outside her gynecologist’s office and, afraid for her life, she said yes.

Now’s the time to set the mood and open up with the best line you’ve got, or perhaps several lines in a row so that she can choose the best one to respond to - fishing with dynamite.
1) “I noticed that you have breasts and that they are both equally awesome.”

Women love compliments, especially about their breasts, and especially on the first date. Try to wait at least until the appetizer comes, wait for her to reach over and grab a mozzarella stick, assess the validity of the statement you’re about to make (so that it sounds truthful), and lay it on smooth with your best Barry White voice.

2) “I noticed when I picked you up that your mom is attractive.”

As you may see, the best pick up lines start with “I noticed,” because women like men who pay attention to the details. They also want you to like their families, and thus calling out her mom’s MILFness is a sure winner. No Barry White voice is needed for this one; just follow up with asking for a picture of her mom to keep in your wallet.

3) “When we have kids, our daughters are going to be hot.”

This approach works on numerous levels. It shows that you are thinking about kids, that you want daughters, and that you think little girls are hot. It’s a three-point shot, and you sir, will hit nothing but net. If this one backfires, bring up the time you surprised her outside her gynecologist’s office to change the subject.

4) “Today, I learned the average pe**s is three inches long. Could you pass the salad, please?”

Two things happen here – you make it known that you are an avid learner, and you look polite when you say “please.” Don’t follow up with a comment about your own pe**s, because that would be inappropriate. Wait until later when things get hot and heavy for her to realize that you are slightly above average.

5) “When we get home, ignore my roommate, she’s my girlfriend.”

Much like the other four lines, you want your date to feel safe, like you are always looking out for her. Also, she will be excited to hear that she will have somebody to hang out with when you get tired of being chivalrous and want to play Halo.

What's your best ice-breaker for the first date?


my personal favorite: is number 1. so classy.