(good) news:

with respect to math: madame copes has graciously decided to throw out the first test. which is great, considering i probably did horribly on it! right now am praying that the one test that is 50% of my grade in that class (which determines my A or not!) is an A. (please, please, please be an A!)

otherwise, i'm stuck doing homework and college. how depressing.

now commentable:

hooray, well. not really. but it's better than just looking at my online trackers and thinking, "who is this?"

short post today, but on a happy note, math test (that is surely meant for failure) is postponed! but then again, the proclamation highlighted how miserably we did on the quizzes. heart-ending.

EDIT: because eric le is a wonderful person, sometimes.

AIM IM with eric le .
8:59 PM
eric le: whaddup G
eric le: hiding?
aipod: holla
aipod: lol
aipod: hiding?
aipod: well
aipod: kinda
9:00 PM
eric le: ohh
eric le: haha
aipod: how'd you know?
aipod: haha
aipod: lucky guess?
eric le: cus yo dont use this SN
eric le: and you told me before i think
aipod: yeah
aipod: but i like this sn
aipod: it's cute
aipod: i love you almost
aipod: haha
eric le: eh..not quite huh
eric le: haha jk
aipod: awww
aipod: that makes me sad
aipod: ahha
aipod: so what's up?
eric le: eating banana
aipod: lol
aipod: hahah
aipod: can i put that in my profile?
eric le: put what?
aipod: eric le: eating banana
eric le: haha
eric le: sure
aipod: y'know, this is going to sound really corny, and probably mushy
aipod: but i'm glad i talk to you
aipod: b/c before, you were just this big intimidating tall guy
aipod: and now you're eric le, a friendly older friend slash acquaintance
aipod: ))))))))
eric le: wow...
eric le: <3
eric le: you even typed out "slash" instead of just "/"
aipod: lol
aipod: <3333
aipod: doesn't that make you feel better?
aipod: )))
aipod: i just realized recently that i want everyone to be happy
eric le: i am happy, thank you for making me happy
aipod:
eric le: im glad i talk to you too
aipod: alrighty, now i'm going to do my homework, i'm like 3 days behind
aipod: haha
eric le: before, you were just a little not so intimidating girl
aipod: really?
aipod: lol
aipod: haha
aipod: am i more intimidating now? >:DDDDD
eric le: now, youre a taller cool friend, still no so intimidating
eric le: but very caring for taking care of an intimidating guy's fishes
eric le: for the price of jamba juice
eric le: which is hardly anything
aipod: even if the tanks turned out dirty
aipod: i was worried!
aipod: like
aipod: i would be doing something and then going "oh my god! i have watch the fish!"
aipod: and then i would realize how stupid it is
aipod: b/c they don't do anything
aipod: haha
9:10 PM
eric le: thanks
aipod: lol
eric le: made my florida trip much better
aipod: yaay
aipod: okay
eric le: k
aipod: seriously though. g2g.
aipod: byeeeee
eric le: bye
aipod: i'm glad i make you happy!
eric le: yey

P.S.: for anyone who thinks "aipod" really is my screen name, you are wrong. but you're welcome to find out that you're wrong. honestly though, I really wanted it to be my screen name, but someone already claimed it. "phenylethylamine," and "aichat," were also claimed too. it's such a shame, but I supposed it's just the way things turned out since I'm not clever enough think of it before someone else does. insert shrug. and off we go, bye now!

SIGNED: ILOVEYOUPLATONICALLY

to-do list:

shit shit shit. one slip really does mean the world crumbling down. and i really didn't feel like pulling an all-nighter either. darnittttt!

- math: problem 10
- math: pg 585
- math: white worksheet
- math: pg 483 (why is it achronological?)
EDIT: - math: oh yeah, that gigantic test on tuesday, too!
as weird as this may seem, i'm actually learning as opposed to last year. I think partly it has to do with the need to adapt: if i don't learn this year, my grades really will reflect it. therefore, i've been learning. and actually memorizing rules! (plus BC is an addendum to AB, so essentially it's just a buildup on stuff i've learned before! pretty easy once a concept's familiar, actually -- so "yaay" for that)
- english: dalloway journals. pg. 30something, need to get to 133. (not so bad, but then again, this is Woolf we're talking about here. no underestimation, she's a worthy, purple-prose erudite!)
- gov: readings 6 & 7 (did i mention i lost a book on my 4th week of school? incredibly pathetic. and shameful.)
- gov: chapter 3 study guide. am not loving the "e-book" at all. it's hard for me to 'grasp' concepts when the material is 'intangible.' (pun intended. laugh!)
- chem: hw
- chem: bring snacks pour les manger]
- french: journal
- french: report


look on the bright side: it's raining. good for california.

vitals low, other than that, still strong:

yes-- I didn't die. just posted on my other blog instead. it's a conflict, somewhat; i promised myself that never would I discontinue updating posts on my xanga, and also said that i wanted to write on this lovely little haven too.

oh the dilemma! oh the melodrama of a silly girl who should be worrying about other things in her life (i.e. college applications, getting over her ambivalence and deciding once and for all what she wants to do instead of being incredibly capricious and fickle-minded, and finishing her school assignmnets)!

well, here's a not-so secret: I'm very tired. on one hand, i just want january first, the absolute last day for all of my other college applications to be turned in, to come already so that I may relax and just slack off tremendously (that's what I've been looking forward to doing my whole constrained, public-education oriented life!) and be one of the "cool" rebellious kids who get to speak their mind and be free--be labeled a "miscreant!" anything exciting lest supernatural beings decide that I should die on a whim and find out, "Gee! Royally screwed am I yet worse!: I've done nothing and barely lived!" a tragedy in disguise, the pursuit of a good education.

pragmatically, if i can still convince myself that i'm a practical sour old prude, there's only a couple of months left for me to toil--but oh! toil! toil, toil, TOIL! ...there's so much toil that the repetition of realization doesn't is surreal yet real and impossibly there.

where's my deep breath? when shall i end this interminable, vapid rant?
...just a couple more seconds, please...


conundrums:
- SATs aren't good enough for the good colleges, and barely safe enough for the decent ones. (what to do what to do what to do what to do what to do? -- the disgusting mantra)
- 'good' writing is not applying to important tests. (why? why why why why why why? the same things i find myself praised for also has others' censures; why why why why why why?) one of you is lying to me, now which one is it? 'fess up now! ...pleease..?
- a smorgasborg of ap classes (plus physical education) I'm at my limit, I'm worn thin, what to do what to do, help me Binh!**


**: reference to the protagonist in The Book of Salt, by Monique Truong, whose debut story highlights the reflection of a (vietnamese, gay) man at his crossroads...who, ironically enough, doesn't have a clue of what he wants to do either.



...ON A LIGHTER, HAPPIER, NEWER NOTE (since I prefer to end most things in such a manner, if at all possible):
the fanfiction i've laboured on has someone who appreciate it enough to actually draw a beautiful comic strip about it (three page's worth!)
obviously, I'm thrilled, can you tell? it's not everyday someone makes a tribute to you. <3 and I truly appreciate it honestly.

high school: beginning of the final year

it's amazing how fast the summer ended. i sort of regret not being able to go out or hang out with my friends as often as i wanted to. it feels like the promises i made to go out with people are all empty. a part of me feels really bad about it, but the times when i've snuck out and did stuff that i enjoyed when i was supposed to be studying makes me feel even worse.

it's a necessary evil, in a way. and i don't like it so much.

but whatever. i'm hopeful that after college apps are in, i'll have some more time for myself.

the end. for now.