a 'someday' wishful thought:

when i grow up, i want to buy a house. in that house, i'd like a big bedroom for myself, with a nice bath connected to it. i'd also like three other bedrooms: one for my possibility of adopting a child (or a child of my own that does not have a father, but does have a biological father), and one for the possibility of adopting friend-guests for the night. the third bedroom will be small, quaint, and cozy. located closer to my bedroom than the room of my possible child. it will be a small study, and the furniture will be plush, cozy, sophisticated, and mahogany. there will be where my own library of books reside.

just because most people don't read books anymore does not mean that i shouldn't. i'm not the majority, either, and if you didn't know that by now, then you do not know me. but then again, there is a possibility that you really don't know me, and also the possibility that i don't know you either. i've no clue if it will remain that way or not. the future is a que sera, sera for me. inconsequentially, what will remain will be myself, my ambition to own a house, and my ambition of a study-library in my-ambition-to-own-a-house.

among the list of books, i will definitely have:
- Art and Lies. Jeanette Winterson
- The Book of Salt. Monique Truong
- The Great Gatsby. Francis Scott Fitzgerald
- Another Marvelous Thing. Laurie Colwin
- Chocolate: A Bittersweet Saga of Light and Dark. Mort Rosenblum
...
and as many Thoreau and Emerson essays and works as i can possibly, greedily acquire.

yes, there will be brain-candy books, too. and yes. i intend on proudly declaring, in a nonchalant tone, "Why yes, I've read all of them. If you're interested, I could make a recommendation." an undertone of haughtiness. i love it.

falling off track:

i just realized the start of school is imminent, and i've yet to complete any of my summer assignments! this is most definitely terrible, and daunting. i think the main reason lies in the fact that it's summer, and my own procrastination. yet again: procrastination is always here.

starting thursday, which is tomorrow, i will complete my list of priorities and deadlines, mentioned below:
- thursday 7/19: finish house of mirth dialectical journal; finish the chem packet, do the notes and assignments in the textbook on friday
- friday 7/20: finish chem textbook chapter one and all of the assignments that goes with chapter two; take notes for chem textbook two
- saturday 7/21: great america, but by the day's end, will have almost completed reading invisible man, as well as start the dialectical journals
- sunday 7/22: ap government homework. must complete at least 3 out of 15 articles and evals (20% of the work). if i time myself correctly (i.e. waking up early), i should be able to complete that within a couple of hours and have enough time to study for the sats and finish chapter 4 of YT.

well, a four-day plan is good right now, transitioning from lazy-retard mode to efficient-proactive mode cold turkey is incredibly hard. wish me luck!

ps. i'm kind of disappointed that YT isn't getting as many reviews as it had in the first two chapters. could it be because the chapter isn't very good? are my skills lacking already? this makes me ponder and i find myself worried: is this it? am i destined to be a one-hit wonder? oh, that thought is most terrifying. and i plan to avoid it as much as possible.

self-expression

self-expression, like most things, has more than one aspect to it; however, one can generalize it into two categories: mentally and physically. examples of mental self-expression would be something along the lines of writing, reading, playing music, or singing. they come from the mind, they are figments of your imagination. by expressing them, you allow the seed-like figments to germinate, to sprout, to grow, to thrive--and that's the best way to do it.

for the past week(s), i've been working on a writing venture--fanfiction. yes, i concede: i read manga, i watch anime, i stalk forums and fansites, and now--i also am becoming one of "them." the account i created on a website, which was created for fans who wish to write fiction for the stories/movies/cartoons/animations they've seen, has not been put to use until recently. i published two chapters. excitement, happinese, accomplishment, anxiety, apprehension, resolve--those emotions ran through my mind, and i was consumed--the plot bunnies have finally sank their buckteeth into me deep enough that the rabid venom has overtaken. i was a slave to an idea, yours truly, and i wrote, and editted, and racked my brain for words that would accurately describe the feeling. powerfully?-no too overused and sophmoric. ardently?-not there yet, there will be a moment when that word will be used, and that will be the time when i am consumed and filled with orgasmic writing pleasure and content. the necessary and perfect word to describe my status would be "satiated."

i've self-expressed myself mentally.

by next week, i hope to do the same, but physically. be bolder in front of the camera. act like a model. be a model. "own it" with my eyes. command presence. show personality. i just hope my resolve stays. i plan to name the act of self-expression: stage-tenacts of self-expression. look for it photo-edited. i'll most likely post it here. i can't wait. i need to get toned though. and hopefully my resolve stays.

another thing: i need to update chapter 3; even though they're strangers, they and i share the same affection for the characters and the ideals. a kinship, if you use the term loosely. so i shan't disappoint. (:


and of course, proof:

treasured

i'm elated! il y a trois jours, and my first chapter of a current project i'm working on already has 22 reviews!
it feels really great to be appreciated and judged not by one's appearance but by one's own style, and skills. it feels like a great start. and although i'm a bit ambivalent, as well as apprehensive, since i'm not too sure about the plotline myself or about some complications i've inadvertently created, everything is still in the black.

the only thing i'm worried about is time management: there's the "writer," miyako-san, and there's also the "student," the "daughter," the "sister," and so many other things that life's just become a bit drawn. i don't mind though, it feels great to discover and know about myself a little bit more.

i'm not going to tell anyone that i write, though. this is my guilty pleasure. if the curious kittens out there really are interested, they would take it as an initiative to find out. i'm not going to provide, but i also won't hinder either. "just let things flow naturally, and allow nature to take its course."

currently: pissed off at the rapidity - or lack there of - the internet. I thought cable connections were supposed to be fast no matter what? isn't that what comcast implied with the turtle commercials? (unless i've been horribly fooled by advertisements, then i'm angry, and ashamed.)

speaking of self-discovery:
schadenfreude: n. pleasure derived by someone from another's misfortune; not to be confused with sadism or masochism.
derived from the German language, from schaden 'harm' + freude 'joy.'
it's one of the characteristics that every human has displayed (i think), yet the term is elusive. i find that ironic, and at the same time, it makes me wonder--like the term, are most people aware that they have schadenfreude-tendencies?
i concede that i do, from time to time, due to moments of self-doubt et al circumstances, but that problem has been identified and, with a conscious effort, i feel that i don't resent and act jealous as much as before...

anyways. i'm going to work on the writing project now. i'm so happy, thanks again to all the reviewers! (:

surprising:

i find it amazing, the oh-my-god-what-the-hell-this-is-an-easy-question-and-you-got-it-wrong?! sort, that so many people would get the question wrong.

then again, maybe they misread it--hopefully they misread it. but whatever the case, i still feel slightly happy that i'm withing the minority that are right. sort of like copernicus stating that the earth revolves around the sun (except in copernicus's case, it was considered heresy, and he was one in a million against everyone else, and also was under house arrest for the remainder of his life).

TO ELENA CHIT (i also refer to you as FANTASTICSFRENCHIE, because those two relate to the times we were in each other's company):
yes, the comment button is off. why? i just felt like it. :P
and yes, i hope we have adventures together soon, especially during the summer. i've already put this in my facebook comment for you, but now that i've found out that you work, you just got 10x more attractive *pseudo-lascivious wink* (:
and today, a bland day for me, was made a bit more interesting when i decided to superman-dive onto my mom's car's hood, which, as intended, shocked her. (to be fair, and to defend myself for such outlandish and "LOL" behavior, i did warn her that i would be up to strange antics--her sole living daughter is weird, she'll just have to accept it...without much complaints and retaliation.) the only thing i didn't expect, however, was a man in his gigante suv seeing the whole event (he was about to make a u-turn) laughing.
well, i feel accomplished. except my mom, seeing as how she loves to have the last word (and that trait has been passed on to me, i'm sure) said the most austere thing, "one of these days, i will have my heart arrested because of you" or something like that, it's late, i don't feel like recalling the day's event exactly and then translating it word for word, and meaning for meaning, right now. the gist is what's important.
what's the meaning of me typing this for you, my dear elena? well, consider this an implication that should you wish to spend time with yours truly, be prepared. and please, "if you are pregnant, have a pacemaker, are taking any medications that might cause serious reactions against adrenaline, humor, or "immaturity", or have a family history with meekness or medical conditions, it is best to make the information known to Ai Tran before any 'fun' can commence." (don't you just love disclaimers?)

goodnight. -codename: aipod