vitals low, other than that, still strong:

yes-- I didn't die. just posted on my other blog instead. it's a conflict, somewhat; i promised myself that never would I discontinue updating posts on my xanga, and also said that i wanted to write on this lovely little haven too.

oh the dilemma! oh the melodrama of a silly girl who should be worrying about other things in her life (i.e. college applications, getting over her ambivalence and deciding once and for all what she wants to do instead of being incredibly capricious and fickle-minded, and finishing her school assignmnets)!

well, here's a not-so secret: I'm very tired. on one hand, i just want january first, the absolute last day for all of my other college applications to be turned in, to come already so that I may relax and just slack off tremendously (that's what I've been looking forward to doing my whole constrained, public-education oriented life!) and be one of the "cool" rebellious kids who get to speak their mind and be free--be labeled a "miscreant!" anything exciting lest supernatural beings decide that I should die on a whim and find out, "Gee! Royally screwed am I yet worse!: I've done nothing and barely lived!" a tragedy in disguise, the pursuit of a good education.

pragmatically, if i can still convince myself that i'm a practical sour old prude, there's only a couple of months left for me to toil--but oh! toil! toil, toil, TOIL! ...there's so much toil that the repetition of realization doesn't is surreal yet real and impossibly there.

where's my deep breath? when shall i end this interminable, vapid rant?
...just a couple more seconds, please...


conundrums:
- SATs aren't good enough for the good colleges, and barely safe enough for the decent ones. (what to do what to do what to do what to do what to do? -- the disgusting mantra)
- 'good' writing is not applying to important tests. (why? why why why why why why? the same things i find myself praised for also has others' censures; why why why why why why?) one of you is lying to me, now which one is it? 'fess up now! ...pleease..?
- a smorgasborg of ap classes (plus physical education) I'm at my limit, I'm worn thin, what to do what to do, help me Binh!**


**: reference to the protagonist in The Book of Salt, by Monique Truong, whose debut story highlights the reflection of a (vietnamese, gay) man at his crossroads...who, ironically enough, doesn't have a clue of what he wants to do either.



...ON A LIGHTER, HAPPIER, NEWER NOTE (since I prefer to end most things in such a manner, if at all possible):
the fanfiction i've laboured on has someone who appreciate it enough to actually draw a beautiful comic strip about it (three page's worth!)
obviously, I'm thrilled, can you tell? it's not everyday someone makes a tribute to you. <3 and I truly appreciate it honestly.