realization

this is the moment when i feel like i've failed and have lost everything, and definitely, this new low certainly trumps any low i've had. if possible, i feel branded as a loser. and i really do hope that i do make it into a good college.

at this rate, i just hope that i make it into a UC.



"...these, my friend, are the moments when you wish you could start life over--or end it completely." - miyako.

P.S.:
miyako is a pseudonym of mine. sometimes, in my idyllic mind wandering, i create alter-egos that represent myself. miyako, in japanese, can mean "beautiful(mi) night(ya) child(ko)," which describe a bit about me; i was born on a beautiful night. the beautiful night represents some aspects of pleasantry, in other words, "a dream," since i was born in march, this would mean that it is a pleasant dream that sprung forth a "ko" - child - which would represent myself (or, at least, that's what i interpreted when i chanced upon the name). there's also something charming about a "beautiful night child" -- a dreamlike qualit that has some sort of mystery, and tranquility to it. (since i'm a vain child, you can see why i'd interpret it this way...afterall, don't we want to be seen as something more wonderful and more extraordinary than we really are?
"miya" can also mean "sacred house," so miyako would then be "a child from a sacred house." the tran family, my ancestors, were relatives of the royal tran dynasty in vietnam, once upon a time. however, there's really no point in saying this since there aren't any evidence, and just about any "tran" can claim this, therefor i will adjust that the tran lineage, which i came from, have been around for a long time, which symbolizes its sanctity. (consequently, my mom came from the "le" family, which also "have been around for a long time.") therefore any child coming from a sacred house must have respect as well as duty -- another filial obligation, another accountability, another moral imperative...

P.P.S.: i wonder why i always try to end whatever i may say, write, perform, or do on a slightly uplifting note...is it because i don't want others to focus on my weakness that i shared and that this is a way to divert the reader's attention, or is it because i'm an optimist. perhaps it's both. we'll compromise and say that it's both. (for now, at least.)

good"night" to you. good"morning," nocturnals, it's 12 AM, are you awake yet?

-iloveyouplatonically, codename: aipod